December 15, 1998: Flaming Hot Babes

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* American Women!                                                         *

Vampish Looking Euro Woman (commentary): "What's all this I hear about 
American women complaining that they are not getting any respect in the 
workplace?  Why do you American women care so much?  Let me tell you this, 
baby.  In Europe, there are only three types of women that want respect: 
1) fat women, 2) ugly women and 3) fat ugly women.  Baby, if you have it, 
use it."

Source: Comedy Central's Viva Variety

* A Series of Small Fires                                                 *

A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very rare, expensive 
cigars, insured them against fire, among other things.  Within a month, 
having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without having made even 
his first premium payment, the man filed a claim against the insurance 
company.  In his claim, the man stated the cigars were lost "in a series 
of small fires."  The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious 
reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The man sued ... and won.  In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed the 
claim was frivolous, but stated nevertheless, that the man held a policy 
from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable 
and also guaranteed that it would insure against fire, without defining 
what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the 
claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process the insurance
company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he
lost in "the fires."  

After the man cashed the check, the company had him arrested on 24 counts 
of arson.  With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous 
case used against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his 
insured property and sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

Source: K. Britt

* Some Useless Statistics                                                 *

The tiny Drosophila bifurca, or fruit fly, has the largest sperm of any 
animal.  Its sperm is 2.3 inches long (about 20 times its body length and 
makes up 11 percent of its body weight).

Number of tons of waste produced each day by the estimated 250,000 dogs 
living in Paris: 25.  Average annual number of Parisians who are injured 
after slipping on dog poop left on the side walk: 650.

Per the first-ever independent audit of the federal government, number of 
24 major agencies that received a passing grade for keeping basic records 
in order: 8.  Value of military equipment that cannot be located: $636 
billion.  Examples of missing items: a $1 million surface-to-air missile 
launcher, two $875,000 harbor tugboats, two $4 million jet engines, one 
$423,000 Howitzer cannon.

Source: PBOY

* MOO THINKS:               ' |\___ ---___/|           THOSE WHO MAY CARE *
*                           '  \--/0 0  --/                               *
* "I was going to buy a     '    /       \===================____         *
* copy of The Power of      '   |  oo  ) '''''''''''''''''''\\-- \\       *
* Positive Thinking, and    '    \_/\_/\                     \\   \\_     *
* then I thought: What the  '      ''  |                      |    ~~~\\  *
* hell good would that do?" '           \     _______       _ |        {} *
*                           '            || ||       \   /|| ||           *
*     -- Ronnie Shakes      '            || ||        ||| || ||           *
*                           '            || ||        ''' || ||           *
*                           '            [] []            [] []   APOULOS *

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