September 18, 1998: L'edition Francaise

Back One Back Home Feedback

* Heard this here in Paris (the joke works better if you do some of it    *
* with a bit of a French accent)                                          *

An attractive young woman is visiting the French countryside on her 
vacation.  She stops at a small local winery, where the proprietor, Farmer 
Jacque, is quite happy to give her a tour of the vineyards.  He takes her 
down to the cellar and liberally lets her sample as much of his stock as 
she can drink.

In the meantime, his nosy neighbor, Pierre, keeping a vigilant eye on the 
place, notices the woman arrive and also, that she has been there for 
quite some time.  So, he goes over to investigate and notices Jacque 
carrying the drunk girl to his bedroom.

Pierre goes to the window and sees Jacque having sex with her.  But, she's
not moving at all.  "Mon Dieu!" thinks Pierre, "she is dead.  Jacque is 
making love to a dead woman. He is a necrophiliac."

He runs over to get to the village doctor to have him investigate.  The 
doctor joins Pierre at the window and sees that, in fact, yes, the woman 
laying under Jacque is quite immobile and quite lifeless.  He tells Pierre
he's going to go in and talk to Jacque about this immediately.

He comes back grinning.  "Well?" asks Pierre.   "No. No," chuckles the 
doctor. "We worry for nothing.  The mademoiselle is not dead.  She is 

Source: The French

* Floridians continue to be a reliable source of constant amusement...    *

BONITA SPRINGS, Florida - A Florida man was listed in critical condition 
Monday after being shot in the head by his friend.  According to Lee County
Sheriff's Office spokesman Larry King, Randell Baker shot Robert Callahan 
in the head with a .22-calibre rifle late while attempting to shoot the 
button off the top of a baseball cap on Callahan's head, 

Baker, who shot Callahan from a distance of about six feet without warning,
immediately called for emergency help. He told sheriff's investigators that
the two "play this game whenever one of them gets a new hat." Per King, 
"When that happens, one of them, unbeknownst to the other individual, will 
try to shoot the button off the top of the cap."

Baker was sitting to Callahan's left when he fired the shot, investigators 
said. Callahan apparently turned his head immediately after the shot was 
fired and the bullet entered at the upper left forehead, just above the 

Source: Reuters

* Some observations from Paris...                                         *

The first thing that I noticed (other than the bee which stung me when I 
got off the plane, but that is another story) is that the French have yet 
to master the art of curbing their dogs and care about it even less.  If 
you don't notice this early on here in Paris, you will undoubtedly make 
notice soon after you step in it.  There is "Merde" everywhere.  Wow!  New
Yorkers have actually got something right.

I think American Television has really warped our image of the Germans.  
The other day, I was sitting outside a Paris cafe and a busload of German 
Tourists stopped at the plaza in front of me.  They looked like a happy 
and easy-going lot.  But, for some reason (I blame it on the American 
media propaganda machine), the following scenario went through my head (I 
couldn't stop laughing, for maximum effect imagine the driver speaking 
rather loudly and recite with a Commandant style accent):

Bus Driver to Riders:  "Achtung!  Vee haf reached our destination.  Paris,
France.  Please exit ze bus to zee right and spend zee next two hours 
shopping.  Schnell!!!  Zees bus will leave promptly at 1600 hours and if 
you are not back, vee vill leave you behind, vere you can spend zee rest of
your miserable lives eating croissants and rolling your R's so much zat one
day your tongue vill stick to zee back of your shroat and zou vill 
asphyxiate and die like a schwine.  Sank you."

Source: That Guy, Biel

* MOO THINKS:               ' |\___ ---___/|           THOSE WHO MAY CARE *
*                           '  \--/0 0  --/                               *
* "They say travel really   '    /       \===================____         *
* broadens the mind.  So    '   |  oo  ) '''''''''''''''''''\\-- \\       *
* much so, sometimes you    '    \_/\_/\                     \\   \\_     *
* can't even get your own   '      ''  |                      |    ~~~\\  *
* head out the door."       '           \     _______       _ |        {} *
*                           '            || ||       \   /|| ||           *
*      --Elvis Costello     '            || ||        ||| || ||           *
*                           '            || ||        ''' || ||           *
*                           '            [] []            [] []   APOULOS *

Back One Back Home