THOSE WHO MAY CARE
April 16, 1998: License to Score

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* Rules & Regulations: A personal experience                             *
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I was recently running some errands and stopped to pick up my dry cleaning
and some lunch.  I needed to break some $20'ies into smaller bills (I had 
about six moving guys to tip), but neither the cleaners (note: where I 
parked) or the pizza place could break them.  I then walked next door to 
the bank.

The manager was closing the doors right as I walked up and pointed to the 
drive-up teller as the place I should go.  I then walked to the drive-up 
teller and the woman behind the window asked me where my car was.  I 
pointed to the cleaners (across the street, one building over) and she 
said she couldn't serve me without a car.  I said "Look!  You can see my 
car from here, why do I need to walk back over there and get it?"  

This ended up being exactly what I had to do.

Source: Poulos, A.


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* Guys!  Not getting any?  Well, I'll let you in on a secret.  You can   *
* greatly increase your odds by trying to fit the bill.  Here's how.     *
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1. Like Music?  Jazz enthusiasts has sex 30% more than other men.

2. Conservative?  Forget it!  Extreme liberals have sex one-third more 
   than the garden-variety conservative.

3. Too much education?  Sorry, there's an inverse relationship between 
   higher education and sexual frequency.

4. Got a gun?  Well, not many liberals own guns, but if you have one, your
   odds of scoring increase.  Oddly, women who own guns are 15% more 
   active than those that don't.

5. Smoke?  Drink?  Smokers are 20% more sexually active than nonsmokers.  
   Self-described "excessive drinkers" are 20% more active than 
   teetotalers or even moderate drinkers.  Synergy: Men who both smoke and
   drink score 40% more than those that do neither!

6. Couch Potato?    Believe it or not, me who watch lots of TV have more 
   sex than moderate viewers.

7. Make too much money?  Men who make less than $30K/year have 15% more 
   sex than men who make more.  Men who live in trailers report having 
   sex 30% more then "the rest of us."

When asked if this dream guy has "no cash, sits in his trailer, drinking 
beer and smoking in front of the TV, gun under the cushion, planning an 
animal rights protest," Univ. of Chicago researcher John Robinson says, 
"Statistically speaking, yes.  But remember, this man is a mathematical 
chimera, a hypothetical construct."

Source: New York Times


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* Terence and Philip material for the South Park writers (wake up guys). *
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According to the June issue of Ontario College of Nurses magazine, one of 
the school's members was suspended for six months for "vulgar and 
offensive" behavior.  According to the report, she perhaps "accidentally" 
broke wind while working in the presence of a patient's wife, who took 
offense. However, the discipline committee found that the nurse 
compounded the problem by asking the wife if she "wanted more" before 
passing gas directly into her face.

Source:  News of the Weird


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