THOSE WHO MAY CARE
March 5, 1988: Live from New York

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* Women behaving badly [Alternate comment: this guy must be a wuss]      *
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A medical supply company in Houston settled a lawsuit filed by a former 
employee who said three female co-workers had pulled his pants down to his 
ankles.  According to court documents, the man had told the women that he
didn't always wear underpants.  He said the women later tugged down his 
pants and dragged him across the floor.  They then nicknamed him Pee Wee.  
and Shorty.  In his suit, the man charged the firm of not providing 
adequate supervision and invading his privacy by letting word of the 
incident leak.

Source: PBOY


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*    Ever wonder why you still can't just speak to your computer yet?    *
* Below, is a short list of different U.S. regional pronunciations and   *
* definitions that linguists and programmers have to contend with.       *
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Atlanta         Tick a Rat          Make a right turn
Bangor, ME      Hee Ya              Here
Bangor, ME      Raw Bit             The Poet Frost's first name
Boston          Carpet Softwah      Corporate software
Boston          Shots               Short Pants
Dallas          Ah Stay             Iced Tea
Honolulu        Stinkeye            A dirty look
Houston         Marka               The United States of...
Houston         Awful Tar           Famous structure in Paris

Jacksonville    Aint                Relative wed to your Uncle
New Jersey      Snot Yers Smine     It isn't yours, it's mine
Little Rock     Stars               Use to get to the second floor
Kentucky        Dubby Day           Day of the Kentucky Derby
Memphis         Miffus              Name of city
Milwaukee       Ya, hey?            Ending of sentence - "You understand?"
Milwaukee       Aina, hey?          See above
New Orleans     Poach               The platform in front of the house
New York City   Washda Closendaws   Warning from a subway conductor
New York City   Huh                 Opposite of him

New York City   Gnome Sane?         Know what I am saying
Oklahoma City   Lack Trick Cum Knee Electric Company
Philadelphia    Sum Eye Giss        Something like this
Pittsburgh      Liar                Lawyer
Pittsburgh      Keller              Color
Raleigh, NC     Rat Chair           Right there
Richmond, VA    Spacial             Special
Salt Lake City  Ustacould           Was once able to
San Francisco   Breeder             A heterosexual
Washington, DC  Amma Lambs          An emergency vehicle

Source: New York Times


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* "There is no vision here." -- The Damned                               *
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Kalamazoo, MI, heart surgeon Charles Butler, won a $3.96 million jury 
verdict in October in his lawsuit against Wal-Mart for injuries he 
suffered in a store parking lot.  Butler tripped over a trailer hitch 
while walking to his car, hurting his spine so badly that he now suffers 
from trembling hands, ending his career.  Wal-Mart pointed out 
unsuccessfully that the trailer itself was 18 feet long and 6 feet high 
and contained a large commercial barbecue grill and that a person so 
unobservant as to not notice that must surely be facing a waning career as 
a surgeon.

Source: News of the Weird


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* MOO THINKS:               ' |\___ ---___/|           THOSE WHO MAY CARE *
*                           '  \--/0 0  --/                               *
* "Bears are smart, and     '    /       \===================____         *
* some are very smart. Our  '   |  oo  ) '''''''''''''''''''\\-- \\       *
* problems at the park      '    \_/\_/\                     \\   \\_     *
* start when the smarter    '      ''  |                      |    ~~~\\  *
* bears and dumber humans   '           \     _______       _ |        {} *
* intersect."               '            || ||       \   /|| ||           *
*     --Steve Thompson      '            || ||        ||| || ||           *
*       Yosemite Biologist  '            || ||        ''' || ||           *
*                           '            [] []            [] []   APOULOS *
***************************************************************************

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