March 11, 2002: In Other Words, I Love Ewe

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* Fresh from this Winter Olympics' skating controversy (not that I really *
* followed it that much, but the Russian gal was cuter so I thought she   *
* deserved the gold anyway), a bunch of new judging changes proposals are *
* being put forth as we speak.  From what I've seen, I like this one the  *
* best as it is simple and straightforward, leaving little room for bias. *

The proposed new 3-Point Olympic Ice Skating Scoring System:

1 - Gay

2 - Really Gay

3 - I Can't F*ckin' Believe How Gay That Was

Source: The Daley Show

* Now, if memory serves correct, this happened a few years ago to someone *
* else or maybe even something similar occurred.  Regardless, the little  *
* gems in this story lie in the people involved, the clever things they   *
* had to say and how it all speaks volumes about humanity in general.     *

               Man Smothered To Death By Stripper's Boobs

GENEVA, Wisconsin -- A bachelor party at a strip club turned deadly when a 
32-year-old groom-to-be, who was enjoying the attentions of a well-endowed 
stripper, suffocated while his face was buried in her breasts. According to
investigators, Daniel Greene was enjoying a lap dance when disaster struck:
One of the strippers, Kandy Kane, got too into her performance and 
suffocated the man between her 72-DD breasts.  

Witnesses said that Greene had his fair share of beer, but didn't seem out-
of-control.  When the song "I'm Too Sexy" began, Greene became excited and 
started to dance on the tabletop, hooting and hollering, friends said, 
"like an idiot."  Miss Kane, apparently pleased to see someone enjoying her
choice in music, began giving him a lap dance, shaking her breasts in his 
face.  The more she shook, the deeper Greene got lost in her cleavage. 

"Daniel was having so much fun," friend John Gillman said. "We all thought 
he loved being in that gal's chest.  Who could have known that when he was 
waving his hands around, he was signaling for help?"  Cheering onlookers 
eventually realized that Greene was no longer moving, and pulled him from 
between Miss Kane's breasts. 

Now, Greene's family is suing Miss Kane and the Pretty Kitty for wrongful 
death.  Greene's father claims it is not about the money. "Those breasts 
were lethal weapons," he told reporters. "The Pretty Kitty should not have 
allowed Miss Kane to have her bust enhanced to the size that she did.  We 
hope that by filing this lawsuit, we can send a message to other strippers:
keep your bra size within a reasonable range." 

Kandy Kane allegedly made this statement through her attorneys: "I thought 
he liked it in there."  The Pretty Kitty declined comment. 

Source: Reuters

* This just simply defies all my attempts to wrap some logic around it.   *

Miss Kitty's Adult Shop, located in Bozeman, Montana, labeled the "smut 
emporium that is a hotbed of innovation," is credited with the world's 
first inflatable sheep, the "Love Ewe."  Introduced in 1990,  the shop has
since sold over 100,000 of them.

Source: Unlimited Magazine

* MOO THINKS:               ' |\___ ---___/|           THOSE WHO MAY CARE *
*                           '  \--/0 0  --/                               *
* "What shall we sing at    '    /       \===================____         *
* his wedding and his wake? '   |  oo  ) '''''''''''''''''''\\-- \\       *
* Whose name shall we       '    \_/\_/\                     \\   \\_     *
* cherish and for whose     '      ''  |                      |    ~~~\\  *
* sake?"                    '           \     _______       _ |        {} *
*                           '            || ||       \   /|| ||           *
*       --Elvis Costello    '            || ||        ||| || ||           *
*                           '            || ||        ''' || ||           *
*                           '            [] []            [] []   APOULOS *

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