January 31, 2002: An Evening of Gracious Hostility

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* If memory serves correctly, one of the joys of working inside corporate *
* America were the little verbal gems you'd get from management or just   *
* regular 'ol self-aggrandizing up-and-comers. Here's some actual quotes. *

"It's an exercise in fertility."

"You are never going to fail unless you try."

"Today is like the day Rome was built in.  We can't afford to have any 

"The project is going down the toilet in flames."

"We don't want to stick our necks out and get our asses chopped off."

"You should talk to her. She is a minefield of information."

"We need an escape goat."

Source: Scott Adams "Dilbert Newsletter"

* I recall seeing these once before, but it appears that someone did this *
* again and dug up a few more nuggets. Oh, and these are sentences that   *
* actually appeared in various church bulletins around the USA.           *

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary 
Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way 
from Africa.

Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING
Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference
includes meals."

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious
pleasure to the congregation.

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those 
things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your 
own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more 
transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of
Pastor Jack's sermons.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

Don't let worry kill you off -- let the Church help.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. 
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and 
gracious hostility.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the
back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please 
use large double door at the side entrance.

Source: Sumi Skellam via Kareena

* Now, it seems to me, there's bitter irony of the following story, as we *
* are now seeing our civil liberties and constitutional rights tossed out *
* in a fervor unrivaled since .. oh, let's say the rise of Nazi Germany?  *

The man appointed by the governor of Texas as the state's director of 
homeland security in the U.S. war on terrorism, David Dewhurst, is also a
candidate for lieutenant governor, and his recent patriotic-themed campaign
ad featured a large U.S. flag with a smartly dressed soldier standing in 
front of it.  However, the soldier in the photograph was not an American, 
but a German soldier in a Luftwaffe uniform.

Source: Chuck Shepherd (News of the Wierd)

* MOO THINKS:               ' |\___ ---___/|           THOSE WHO MAY CARE *
*                           '  \--/0 0  --/                               *
* "A good sermon should be  '    /       \===================____         *
* like a woman's skirt:     '   |  oo  ) '''''''''''''''''''\\-- \\       *
* short enough to arouse    '    \_/\_/\                     \\   \\_     *
* interest but long enough  '      ''  |                      |    ~~~\\  *
* to cover the essentials." '           \     _______       _ |        {} *
*                           '            || ||       \   /|| ||           *
*         -- Ronald Knox.   '            || ||        ||| || ||           *
*                           '            || ||        ''' || ||           *
*                           '            [] []            [] []   APOULOS *

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