September 28, 2001: Nasty Habits, I Must Condone,
No One Knows What I Do When I'm All Alone

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* Not just some bad South Park episode Alternate Title: choices, choices, *
* get raped or get eaten, get raped or get eaten, oh which is it to be    *

VALPARAISO -- After chicken feathers and blood were found all over a room 
at Valparaiso Motel, police were called to investigate.  The room was found
to have been rented to 30-year-old Michael Bessigano. Police questioned 
Bessigano, and police said he admitted he had sex with a chicken. "He's got
problems," said Valparaiso Detective Lt. Mike Brickner. "He has these urges
that need to be addressed." 

Bessigano's dossier: arrested in 1991 after he was found in a neighbor's 
goose pen apparently attempting to molest the geese, a month later arrested
in connection with the attempted theft of a German shepherd. While in jail,
he would sleep under his cot, paint cat-like stripes on his body and make 
drawings referring to himself as "master of cats."

Source: The Times Online via Felicia (OxAnimalOx)

* And now, Revenge for the Animals [wasn't there a B movie by same name?] *

ALEXANDRIA, Egypt: A sheep destined for sacrificial slaughter forestalled 
its owner's plans by pushing him to his death from a three-story building. 
Neighbors found Hamoudah lying bleeding and concussed on the ground below, 
with several broken bones. Hamoudah had been fattening the sheep for six 
weeks and planned to kill it for a feast.

GUWAHATI, India: A wild elephant pulled a man down from a tree, trampled 
him to death and for two weeks has refused to part with the corpse. The 
man climbed the tree to escape a herd of wild elephants rampaging through
his village. "The elephant must have got even more irritated as the 
villagers were trying to free the man," a forest ranger said. "It trampled
him to death and took the body along with him." According to police, that 
was two weeks ago and it has been carrying the body around ever since.

Source: Reuters

* Lastly, to something we're all familiar with....                        *

"There's such a stigma against masturbation," complains Donald Suggs, who 
is proud to say that not only does he do it, he can keep it up for an hour
and for a good cause.  This past May 20th was the Masturbate-a-thon, where
1500 or so New Yorkers took some time off from being masters of their own
domain to raise money for the Feminist Womens Health Centers.  Participants
collected pledges for how many minutes they can keep going, sort of like
a dance-a-thon, only you dance alone.  While 40 folks went at it in a DUMBO
loft (managing to raise only $213), for most it was a solo effort.  Candy
Halikas, a Lisa Loebish Brooklynite, raised $270 while listening to reggae
for an hour and a half.

Source: New York magazine

* MOO THINKS:               ' |\___ ---___/|           THOSE WHO MAY CARE *
*                           '  \--/0 0  --/                               *
* "It's a force of habit.   '    /       \===================____         *
* If it moves then you      '   |  oo  ) '''''''''''''''''''\\-- \\       *
* fuck it, if it doesn't    '    \_/\_/\                     \\   \\_     *
* move you stab it."        '      ''  |                      |    ~~~\\  *
*                           '           \     _______       _ |        {} *
*         --Declan McManus  '            || ||       \   /|| ||           *
*                           '            || ||        ||| || ||           *
* [Subject: Danny Elfman]   '            || ||        ''' || ||           *
*                           '            [] []            [] []   APOULOS *

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