January 10, 2000: You Say Tomato, I Say...

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* US Air Force Maintenance Log                                            *

Actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the 
replies from maintenance crews. "Squawks" are problem listings that pilots 
generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. 


   (P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
   (S) Almost replaced left inside main tire

   (P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough,
   (S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft

   (P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid,
   (S) #2 Propeller seepage normal -
       #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage

   (P) Something loose in cockpit
   (S) Something tightened in cockpit

   (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
   (S) Evidence removed

   (P) DME volume unbelievably loud
   (S) Volume set to more believable level

   (P) Dead bugs on windshield
   (S) Live bugs on order

   (P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
   (S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground

   (P) IFF inoperative
   (S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

   (P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
   (S) That's what they're there for

   (P) Number three engine missing
   (S) Engine found on right wing after brief search

   (P) Aircraft handles funny
   (S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious

   (P) Target Radar hums
   (S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics

Source: FarsiNet

* We've come a long way, Baby...                                          *

Buenos Ares, Argentina - An Argentine human rights group has demanded a 
magazine ad for Hawaiian Tropic sun-tan lotion, depicting a sun-tanned man 
being dragged off by the Ku Klux Klan, be withdrawn because it is 
"offensive to blacks."  The ad, designed by an Argentine ad agency, takes 
up two pages in the local edition of Rolling Stone.

It portrays white-robed and hooded members of the white supremacist group 
hauling away an incredulous white man from the side of a private swimming 
pool - a bottle of Hawaiian Tropic sun-tan oil in the foreground.

"The tone is humorous, the idea is: You're going to get so black that the 
KKK is going to come after you," Carlos Perez, creative director of Grey 
Argentina, the agency that dreamed up the ad, told the daily Clarin 
newspaper.  Human rights groups said there was nothing funny about it.

Source: Reuters

* And now, to explain the tag line....                                    *

Colorado Springs, Colorado - A state liquor agent confiscated 29 signs from
Leonard's II Tavern because they contained profanity.  The state attorney 
general's office said the removal of the signs, 21 of which included the 
word "fuck," was not a free speech issue, but a matter of public safety 
(worried the F word may "prompt intoxicated people to become violent)." A
judge has ruled that Leonard Carlo can hang new signs while a higher court
considers whether the state can suspend his liquor license.  Carlo, who has
the word 'fuck' tattooed on his bald head, celebrated by posting a sign 
that reads YOU SAY TOMATO, I SAY FUCK YOU. He told a reporter, "I want my 
signs back and my constitutional rights. We have them fucked and they 
know it."

Source: PBOY

* MOO THINKS:               ' |\___ ---___/|           THOSE WHO MAY CARE *
*                           '  \--/0 0  --/                               *
* "Why are our days         '    /       \===================____         *
* numbered and not,         '   |  oo  ) '''''''''''''''''''\\-- \\       *
* say lettered?"            '    \_/\_/\                     \\   \\_     *
*                           '      ''  |                      |    ~~~\\  *
*       - Woody Allen       '           \     _______       _ |        {} *
*                           '            || ||       \   /|| ||           *
*                           '            || ||        ||| || ||           *
*                           '            || ||        ''' || ||           *
*                           '            [] []            [] []   APOULOS *

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