December 20, 1997: The Holiday Issue

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* Create-An-Insult: Impress your friends, one up your enemies....        *

An endless supply of Shakespearean insults.  Just combine  one word from 
each of the  three columns below, and preface it with "Thou" or "You."   
Understand, you tottering onion-eyed malt-worms?

pribbling        ill-nurtured        maggot-pie

puking           knotty-pated        malt-worm 

puny             motley-minded       measle

rank             onion-eyed          moldwarp

roguish          rough-hewn          miscreant 

ruttish          pox-marked          mumble-news

saucy            reeling-ripe        pigeon-egg 

surly            rump-fed            puttock 

tottering        sheep-biting        ratsbane

vain             spur-galled         strumpet

venomed          swag-bellied        skainsmate

villainous       tickle-brained      varlet

wayward          toad-spotted        vassal

yeasty           weather-bitten      wagtail 
Source: Vancouver Sun

* Twelve Amusing Factoids                                                *

01. Kotex was first manufactured as bandages, during W.W.I.
02. In Los Angeles, there are fewer people than there are automobiles.
03. A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn't give 
    her coffee.
04. The Neanderthal's brain was bigger than yours is.
05. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear
06. You can only smell 1/20th as well as a dog.
07. A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South
    Bend, Indiana.
08. It's against the law to catch fish with your bare hands in Kansas.
09. Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns.
10. There are more plastic flamingos in America than real ones.
11. In 1980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for betting on when
    patients would die.
12. Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark.

Source: Ginny

* Women in Politics: the lighter side of                                 *

While her colleagues were debating in July whether the New Life Massage 
Parlor was a front for prostitution, Oak Grove, Ky., city councilwoman 
Patty Belew, 26, said she already had enough information to decide.  She 
said she knows for sure that the massage parlor paid bribes to some police
officers to ignore prostitution because she used to work there.

Liberal British Columbia legislators Linda Reid and Bonnie McKinnon, in a 
late-night frolic in the chamber, brought in a mechanical wind-up dildo 
and giddily passed it around.  Unfortunately for them, the in-house TV 
cameras were still on and captured the shenanigans.

Last March in Huntsville, Tn., the wife of state rep Les Winningham, was 
indicted for assault.  During the election campaign in November 1996, 
according to police,  the Winninghams pulled over the van to confront a 
woman who was wearing a shirt that indicated support for Winningham's 
opponent.  After a heated argument, according to the victim, Mr. 
Winningham instructed his wife to rough her up, whereupon Mrs. Winningham 
punched her three times and kicked her.

Source: News of the Weird

* MOO THINKS:              ' |\___ ---___/|           THOSE WHO MAY CARE *
*                          '  \--/0 0  --/                               *
* "Ethiopian runner Fatuma '    /       \===================____         *
*  is the first African-   '   |  oo  ) '''''''''''''''''''\\-- \\       *
*  American runner to win  '    \_/\_/\                     \\   \\_     *
*  the Boston Marathon."   '      ''  |                      |    ~~~\\  *
*                          '           \     _______       _ |        {} *
*    -A CNN announcer,     '            || ||       \   /|| ||           *
*     being so politically '            || ||        ||| || ||           *
*     correct and wrong    '            || ||        ''' || ||           *
*                                       [] []            [] []   APOULOS *

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