Nov 9, 1997: When Kitten Gets Out of Jail

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* I wish I'd gotten to know her, before I fell in love...                *

Continental Airlines filed a lawsuit in November in Newark, NJ, against 
Deborah Loedig, whom the airlines said endangered passengers in order to 
get revenge on her ex-husband, who is a pilot.  Ms. Loedig baked him some 
bread, but unknown to him, had laced it with marijuana so that he would 
fail the airline's drug test and get fired, which did happen, although he 
was later re-instated when Continental learned what had happened.

Source:  News of the Weird

* And you thought dogging drunks at bars was a rough mating ritual..     *

Scientists report today that they have solved one of the mysteries of the 
deep sea:  how the giant male squid mates with the female.

The giant male squid measures 45 feet long (think calamari rings bigger 
than a tractor tire).  They live in a dark, solitary environment up to 
3,000 feet below the ocean surface.  Scientists believe encounters 
between these creatures are chance and infrequent. 

While they have never been observed in their natural habitats, 
occasionally they have been snared by fishing trawlers and studied.  The 
latest capture of three females off southern Australia produced the hard 
evidence to confirm scientists' suspicions about mating.

Males produce sperm in a gelatinous package as thin as a match and up to 
6 inches long.  To inject the sperm, the male uses an extremely muscular 
penis that is 3 feet long and functions like a rivet or nail gun.  Nature 
had this design in mind for a purpose.  Dissecting the females, 
scientists found a torn patches of skin and the remains of these sperm 

The scenario:  the male when passing a female, like two ships in the 
night, quickly maneuvers to hammer its penis into the female's arms and 
inject its sperm (under hydraulic pressure).  The female then stores the 
sperm in her skin until she spawns once and dies. 

Now, sometimes accidents occur in dark depths. Males have been found with 
similar packages riveted into their arms, perhaps by a co-suitor with poor
aim.  And one male was found who "may have literally shot himself in the 

Source:  USA Today

* And, Gina wrote bad poetry with a crazy kind of urgency (part II)      *

Below are some more samples of truly inspired bad writing to be found in 
bookstores near you:

"Her love for me receded as fast as my hairline"
- Fabian Driver

"On that wintry day in Buffalo she gave him a look so cold that if it had 
been a doorknob, his tongue would have stuck to it"
- Joe Petulla 

"The cool thick fog flew in off the ocean and smothered the city like 
millions and millions of tiny, tiny droplets of water" 
- Steve D. McLin 

"Her words flew at me like garlic to a vampire'' 
- spotted it in the European magazine. 

"Late-model Mercedes Benzes in the hotel parking lot were lined up in a 
long, shiny row like a mouthful of molars'' 
- from Conde Nast Traveler, but spotted in the Reader's Digest, which 
considered it an example of "picturesque speech.'' 

"We slipped around like a pair of peeled avocados twisted together in 
Saran Wrap'' 
- in John Dunning's The Bookman's Wake.

"The Lear jet turned inland from the Pacific and began its descent, 
slicing through the thick yellow coils encircling Los Angeles like 
malignant entrails'' 
- from Architectural Digest editor Paige Rense's new book, Manor House, 
in a New York Observer review. 

Source: Vancouver Sun

* MOO THINKS:              ' |\___ ---___/|           THOSE WHO MAY CARE *
*                          '  \--/0 0  --/                               *
* "I guess we could start  '    /       \===================____         *
* by not always assuming   '   |  oo  ) '''''''''''''''''''\\-- \\       *
* that anyone walking down '    \_/\_/\                     \\   \\_     *
* the street with a smile  '      ''  |                      |    ~~~\\  *
* on his face is mentally  '           \     _______       _ |        {} *
* ill." - A New Yorker (on '            || ||       \   /|| ||           *
* what we could do to make '            || ||        ||| || ||           *
* the city friendlier)     '            || ||        ''' || ||           *
*                          '            [] []            [] []   APOULOS *

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