October 28, 1997: Panic, Poetry & Prods

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* A little wisdom for those pondering the effects of the Monday Sell-Off *

The rain falls down without my help.
And my lawn gets wet, though I never gave my consent.

Source:  TMBG

* And, Gina wrote bad poetry with a crazy kind of urgency (part I)       *

Below are some samples of truly inspired bad writing to be found in 
bookstores near you:

"Moving to New York City, far from her family and friends in San Francisco,
left her in a vacuum, as though she had been sucked up into the dust bag of
- Merrilee Trost 

"I could be wrong, wrong as a bird who slams into a sliding glass door when
it's closed."
- Laura Heywood

"'Sorry, Babe, I can't take you,' he rasped, tattooing the words with 
graceful curlicues into the biceps of my soul."
- Shirley King 

"Her eyelids moved hypnotically, swinging open and shut like Abe Lincoln's
legs at the Goofy Golf"
- Eric Jones

"Like the tall pines lining a ridgetop, a perfect row of hairs poked 
heavenward from the upper edge of his ears"
- Teri Schultz

"He had broken the law with the same careless disregard with which a parrot 
snaps a powerless seed in half"
- Nick Chase 

"He felt closer to her, like the audience of a disaster movie feels closer 
as they file out together when the lights come back on"
- Bunny Henderson

Source: Vancouver Sun

* And, I don't think Linda has much of a clue either...                  *

Earlier this month, in Preston, Idaho, animal-rights activists released 
thousands of minks from the Palmer Mink Farm.  By the time news reporters 
arrived, several thousand had already been recaptured, but they did get 
this gem of an interview with the owner, Linda Palmer.

"Minks don't scatter as fast as many animals because they're scared," said 
Linda, "And a mink that's not caught will die [of starvation].  They don't 
have a clue, those poor mink."

Note:  Yep, they really don't have a clue, cause Linda (the humanitarian) 
is hoping to save them all, so that when they are full grown, she can 
gently shove an electric prod into their rectum, a metal conductor into 
their mouths and 240 volts of electricity through their bodies, thereby 
causing them great pain, but not ruining those precious coats of theirs.

Source:  Associated Press

* MOO THINKS:              ' |\___ ---___/|           THOSE WHO MAY CARE *
*                          '  \--/0 0  --/                               *
* "Marriage is a three     '    /       \===================____         *
* ring circus: engagement  '   |  oo  ) '''''''''''''''''''\\-- \\       *
* ring, wedding ring, and  '    \_/\_/\                     \\   \\_     *
* suffering."              '      ''  |                      |    ~~~\\  *
*                          '           \     _______       _ |        {} *
*    --Author Unknown      '            || ||       \   /|| ||           *
*                          '            || ||        ||| || ||           *
*                          '            || ||        ''' || ||           *
*                                       [] []            [] []   APOULOS *

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