July 8, 1997: Stuck to the Damn Tractor

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* The Civil Servant Report                                               *

1) Assemblywoman Susan John of the Rochester, N.Y., who chairs the 
Assembly's Alcohol and Drug Abuse committee, upon her guilty plea in March 
for driving while impaired:  "This will give me additional insights into 
the problem of drinking and driving, and I believe, allow me to do my job 
more effectively."

2) In January, the U.S. Postal Service in Miami issued bulletins 
announcing a $25,000 reward for the return of something stolen from a mail 
carrier, but refused to say what it was, referring to it only as a 
"device."  Said a postal inspector to a reporter, "I can't tell you what 
it is.  I can't tell you what it's used for."

3) Robert Jordan filed a lawsuit in May against the New London, CT, police 
department for illegal discrimination, claiming he was rejected as an 
officer solely because he had scored too high on an intelligence test, 
which the department claims is evidence that Jordan would get bored on the 
job and be a bad officer.

Source:  News of the Weird

* Oooooh!                                                                *

The philosophy of Wisconsin's most daring ecological group, bn-ELF (butt 
naked-Earth Liberation Front), sounds simple enough:  Eschew clothing and 
other technologies that restrict freedom and/or the human anatomy.  But 
the follow-through is not for the faint-hearted, especially in winter.  
Reads a bn-ELF communiqué in Earth First! (Feb/Mar 1997): "WARNING! JUST AS 
is harder to explain to a security guard when your genitalia is [sic] 
bonded to the innards of a dozer."

Source: Utne Reader

* She shoots [advice] from the hip...                                    *

Q:   For eight years my daughter has been living with a man to whom she is 
not married.  When they came to stay with my husband and me last week I 
made no secret of the fact that I disapproved of their living together and
made them sleep in separate rooms.  I was not prepared to allow my 
daughter and this man to sleep together in my home.  My daughter is now 
refusing to stay here with us again.  

She and the man are planning to stay in a hotel when they visit us next 
time.  She says that she is old enough to live her own life.  She is 34 
but I do not think that age has anything to do with this.

A:   What a silly and unreasonable old coot you are.  I am surprised that 
your daughter and her partner are prepared to have anything at all to do 
with you.   Your daughter is probably far too well-mannered to tell you 
this but if you carry on as you are doing now you will deserve to spend 
the rest of your life sitting in a plastic chair in an old people's home 
surrounded by the malodorous stench of stale urine and overcooked cabbage.  

Source:  Dr. Vernon Coleman, The People

* MOO REFLECTS:            ' |\___ ---___/|           THOSE WHO MAY CARE *
*                          '  \--/0 0  --/                               *
*  "The Playboy Centerfold '    /       \===================____         *
*  is younger than me ..   '   |  oo  ) '''''''''''''''''''\\-- \\       *
*  No, I don't think I can '    \_/\_/\                     \\   \\_     *
*  ever masturbate again.  '      ''  |                      |    ~~~\\  *
*  Never going to steal    '           \     _______       _ |        {} *
*  that magazine from my   '            || ||       \   /|| ||           *
*  father again."          '            || ||        ||| || ||           *
*       -Too Much Joy      '            || ||        ''' || ||           *
*                                       [] []            [] []           *

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