March 24, 1997: Shrinking Membership?

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* Shrunken Heads ( .. sorry)                                          *

Ivory Coast pleaded for calm last Friday a mobs roamed the streets in 
search of innocent men suspected of having the power to make penises 
shrink.  "There exists a psychosis among the people of Abidjan," said 
Interior Minister Bombet. 

He called for "calm" and "maturity" among Ivorians, and vowed that 
investigations are underway to track down the source of the madness. 

Matters hit crisis proportions Friday with press reports of two men -- 
(suspected to possess the penis shriveling magic) -- having been stoned 
and burned to death in the outskirts of Abidjan.  Police stations were 
inundated with penis-related cases and officers were at a loss as to how 
to protect those targeted.

Police managed to rescue two men, one of whom had been denounced by a 
15-year-old whose manhood was supposedly reduced in size.  "We undressed 
the schoolboy. No doubt he was just being clever, but there was nothing 
abnormal," a police officer said. 

The sad episode began when a man asked navy mechanic Kone Brahima for a 
light. After the stranger returned Brahima's cigarette and shook his hand 
in thanks, the mechanic said he felt a pain in his groin. "I took my hand 
away.  Alas, my sex had totally retracted."  Two schoolboys then 
"mysteriously lost their organs" a few days later.

"I no longer greet my friends in the neighborhood and this morning crossed
the road to avoid them," said Theodore, a messenger from Benin, who was 
convinced of the truth of the rumors, "But if we pay them enough, they can
make them grow back."

Source:  Agence France Presse

* This really tears me up...                                             *

Culkin ' For Dollars

Misdeeds: a) Macauley Culkin's parents, Patricia Bentrup and Kit Culkin, 
nearly bankrupted themselves in a custody fight over Mac and five of his 
siblings. b) The child star, worth an estimated $17 million, graciously 
offered to dip into his fortune to bail out the family. c) His parents, 
who never married, rely on the 15 percent commission they take off Mac's 
earnings to survive, which earned them $0 in 1996.

Mitigating Factor: 20th Century Fox replaced Macauley for Home Alone III.

Source: Spy Magazine

* Pleasant...                                                            *

Exotic Dance Pamela Harrisson complained in October that she was 
wrongfully fired by the Kat Tales club in Stuart, FL, because of a 
disability.  Harrison said that fellow dancers had complained of a health 
hazard because surgery forces Harrison to wear an ostomy bag tucked into 
her G-string, into which body waste can flow during her performance.  An 
expert cited by the Associated Press said there is no health hazard to 

Source:  News of the Weird

* MOO THINKS:              ' |\___ ---___/|           THOSE WHO MAY CARE *
*                          '  \--/0 0  --/                               *
*  "When I said that I was '    /       \===================____         *
*   lying, I might have    '   |  oo  ) '''''''''''''''''''\\-- \\       *
*   been lying."           '    \_/\_/\                     \\   \\_     *
*                          '      ''  |                      |    ~~~\\  *
*       -Declan McManus    '           \     _______       _ |        {} *
*                          '            || ||       \   /|| ||           *
*                          '            || ||        ||| || ||           *
*                          '            || ||        ''' || ||           *
*                                       [] []            [] []   APOULOS *

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