August 5, 1996: Lucky Clam-Bake

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*    Please, no jokes about finally putting someone in the white house   *
*  who will "really stick it" to the Iranians.                           *

RELIABLE SOURCE: Reuters Says Story About Dole Is Hoax 

    WASHINGTON   Hoaxes are all the rage. The latest one flying about the 
Internet masquerades as a legitimate Reuter story from Tehran, describing 
the Iranian media's discomfort with translating Bob Dole's name. 

    ``It turns out that the proper spelling of the Republican Party's 
likely nominee, Dole, is exactly the same as that of the word `penis' in 
Persian,'' the story says, continuing, `` `At first it might seem funny 
to some people, but it's creating a serious issue for us. How can we 
write headlines using that word?' said Majid Fanni, a pre-press 
specialist at a Tehran service.'' 

    Reuter never sent out such a dispatch, spokesman Bob Crook told the 
Source. He was quite huffy over the whole matter. ``We're insulted. It's 
obscene,'' he said. ``This is an unfortunate aspect of the new Internet 

    However, the phony story does contains a kernel of truth. Several 
Farsi speakers interviewed said that Dole translates phonetically as 
"dool," which is indeed the word for the male sexual organ. 

Source:  Annie Groer and Ann Gerhart, The Washington Post 

* And how many times have you successfully committed suicide, Mr. Smith? *

Lawyers typically aren't funny -- unless by accident.  The following 
questions from lawyers were taken from official court records nationwide..

1) Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in 
most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it 
until the next morning?

2) The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

3) Were you alone or by yourself.

4) Q: She had three children, right?
   A: Yes.
   Q: How many were boys?
   A: None.
   Q: Were there girls?

5) Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
   A: I'll be three months on November 8.
   Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?
   A: Yes.
   Q: What were you doing at that time?

Source: G. Sun

*  In the spirit of the Olympic games, another "human interest" story..  *

In March, the Sunday Oklahoman profiled Oklahoma City homemaker Mary C
lamser, 44, whose deterioration with multiple sclerosis had been abruptly 
halted in 1994 when lightning struck her house while she was grasping 
metal objects with each hand and wearing her metal leg brace.  Suddenly, 
she began walking easily, and though doctors told her the condition was 
probably only temporary, she still walks easily today.  As if that wasn't
enough good luck, Clamser, in order to fly to California for a TV 
interview in April 1995, was forced to cancel a local appointment she had
made a the Oklahoma City Federal building at 9 AM on April 19.

Source: News of the Weird

* THOSE WHO MAY CARE                 |\__ --- ___/|     MOO THINKS:      *
*                                    \--  0  0\--/                       *
*         ____  =====================/         \   "Who the he** was     *
*        // --//''''''''''''''''''''     _  oo  |  was that 8 year       *
*     __//   //                         / \_/\_/   old squirrel they     *
*   //~~~    |                          |   ''     kept talking to       *
*   {}       | _  _     __________     /           during the Olympics?" *
*            || || \   /          || ||                 - Anon           *
*            || ||  |||           || ||                                  *
*            || ||  '''           || ||                                  *
*            [] []                [] []                         - Alex P *

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