July 15, 1996: Daddy, can I come with you to work today?

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*  Five Good Tips for Firing People (I was at one time going to entitle  *
*  this memo as "You're fired!" - but, in these days of downsizing and   *
*  related paranoia, thought the better of it)                           *

Of all the jobs a manager faces, the least favorite, without a doubt, is 
having to give someone the ax. Many a corporate executioner truly blunders
the job. Here's a guide for what not to do (in other words, don't do what 
these sneaky, egregious, and just plain dumb bosses did) it may cost you 
in court. 

1) Don't fire en masse. -- As part of a sales agreement, the original 
owners of a medical collection agency were instructed to winnow its staff 
by half. The 1,000 employees were assembled in the company parking lot 
and the names of the 500 to be laid off were read aloud. The original 
owners then told the remaining employees they were lucky they still had 
jobs, but their medical insurance had been terminated. 

2) Don't forget you're a member of the family of man:  The head office of 
a steel fabrication company instructed an employee to fire his father. The
son, having no choice, followed orders but tempered the bad news by giving
Dad six months' severance pay. For his generosity, the son, a few weeks 
later, was unexpectedly fired. Mom, who worked as a part-time bookkeeper, 
also got the boot. The son sued. A jury agreed he had been fired 

3) Check the calendar before firing:  A systems engineering manager was 
laid off on Take Our Daughters to Work Day, designed to combat 
"significant losses in self-confidence and in expectations for the future"
experienced by adolescent girls. A word with public relations could have 
avoided the embarrassment of the man and his 8-year-old daughter being 
escorted out of the building by a security guard shortly after the workday

4) Don't be a total idiot:  Don't fire someone while passing him in the 
hall (as witnessed by James Challenger, 30-year veteran of corporate 

5) Don't be a hypocrite:  A division within a Fortune 500 company issued 
a memo that encouraged employees to increase their global competitiveness
by taking foreign-language instruction during the workday. Six months 
later all those who had availed themselves of the offer were fired. 
Management had apparently concluded that anyone who had the time to take 
a course during business hours was obviously underemployed. 

Source: Therese Eiben, Fortune Magazine

*  McHale's Navy? (Actual radio conversation released by the Chief of    *
*  Naval Operations on 10-10-95)                                         *

#1: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a

#2: Recommend  you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to South to avoid a 

#1: This is  the Captain of a  US Navy ship. I say  again, divert YOUR 

#2: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.


#2. This is a lighthouse. Your call.

Source: Ginny, Ginny (who else)

* The Child-Sex Hysteria Continues...                                    *

CASE DISMISSED:  Maine's highest court overturned the sex abuse conviction
of Afghan immigrant Mohammad Kargar, whose defense to a charge of kissing 
his toddler's penis was that it is an accepted practice in his homeland. 
The court agreed the act was cultural, not sexual.  The ruling also 
overturns Kargar's suspended sentence, which required him to register as 
a sex offender. He was charged with gross sexual conduct in 1994 when a 
neighbor told authorities about a snapshot showing Kargar's mouth on the 
18-month-old boy's genitals.  Afghan immigrants testified that kissing a 
son's penis is a common display of love. 

Source: USA Today

* THOSE WHO MAY CARE                 |\__ --- ___/|     MOO THINKS:      *
*                                    \--  0  0\--/                       *
*         ____  =====================/         \   "Fingers creeping     *
*        // --//''''''''''''''''''''     _  oo  |   up my spine.         *
*     __//   //                         / \_/\_/    They're not mine     *
*   //~~~    |                          |   ''      (to resist)."        *
*   {}       | _  _     __________     /                     --Declan    *
*            || || \   /          || ||                        McManus   *
*            || ||  |||           || ||                                  *
*            || ||  '''           || ||                                  *
*            [] []                [] []                         - Alex P *

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