June 5, 1996: Marriage & Disaster

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*   Ever wonder why one gets married and what the concept is all about?  *
* Well, our government went to the experts and asked the hard questions. *
* Don't laugh too hard, you paid for it!        [thanks to GS for story] *

Q: What exactly is marriage?

"When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the 
girl. He says to her, "I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until 
we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for 
me." Then she say yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether 
it's naughty or not. She can't wait to find out."  -Anita, 9

Q: What is the proper age to get married?

"Eighty-four! Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you
can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom."  -Carolyn, 8

Q: How did your Mom and Dad meet?

"They were at a dance party at a friend's house. Then they went for a 
drive, but their car broke down .... It was a good thing, because it gave
them a chance to find out about their values."  -Lottie, 9

Q: What do most people do on a date?

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets 
them interested enough to go for a second date." -Martin, 10

Q: When is it okay to kiss someone?

"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a 
big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the
 wedding."   -Allan, 10

"Never kiss in front of other people.  It's a big embarrassing thing if 
anybody sees you ..... If nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it 
with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." -Kally, 9

Q: Is it better to be single or married?

"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't
need that kind of trouble." -Will, 7

*          The Top 10 Rejected Titles for the Movie "Twister"            *
*                                           [thanks to MD for story]     *

10. "Boys on the Side -- Of My Barn"
 9. "Roofless in Seattle"
 8. "Summer Film So Full of Special Effects We Couldn't Fit in the Plot"
 7. "The Weather Channel: The Movie"
 6. "Schindler's Twist"
 5. "Field of Debris"
 4. "Dead Man Flying"
 3. "Killer Genuine Draft"
 2. "Indiana Jones and the Trailer Park of Doom"

...and the Number 1 Rejected Title for the Movie "Twister..."
 1. "Totally Gone With The Wind"

* THOSE WHO MAY CARE                 |\__ --- ___/|     MOO THINKS:      *
*                                    \--  0  0\--/                       *
*         ____  =====================/         \  "It was a song with a  *
*        // --//''''''''''''''''''''     _  oo  |  topical verse, which  *
*     __//   //                         / \_/\_/   I'm afraid he then    *
*   //~~~    |                          |   ''     proceeded to sing.    *
*   {}       | _  _     __________     /           Something about the   *
*            || || \   /          || ||            moody doomed love of  *
*            || ||  |||           || ||            the fish-finger king. *
********     || ||  '''           || ||                 -Declan McManus  *
*Poulos*     [] []                [] []                                  *

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