December 20, 1995: Tidings of Joy for the Holidays

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* Bad wife!  Bad wife! [Warning: Not for the timid]                      *

Associated Press, Boston -- Richard Rosenthal, a senior financial officer 
for John Hancock Mutual Life Insurance Co. in Boston, was charged with 
tearing out  his wife's heart and lungs and impaling them on a stake in a 
fight about overcooked ziti.  His wife, 34, had been slit with a butcher 
knife from her throat to her navel, and her organs had been placed on an 
18-inch stake in a nearby garden.  Her face also had been pummeled with a 
softball-size rock, leaving her so disfigured that she was listed as "Jane
Doe" on Rosenthal's arrest report.

Investigators said Rosenthal, 40, told them his wife had chided him for 
burningthe ziti. "I had an argument. ... I overcooked the ziti," they 
quoted Rosenthal as saying.  The couple had no history of violence and 
neither had a criminal record, police said.  Neighbor Pat Moody said the 
Rosenthals lived in the house for about two years and described them as 
"new people who kept to themselves."

* Why you don't want to postpone that "talk" with your daughters...      *

News of the Weird -- Barry A. Briskman, 59, was sentenced to 20 years this 
September in North Hollywood, California, for his "inexplicably" 
successful seduction of two 13-year-old girls.  According to the 
prosecutor, Briskman had convinced the girls he was an alien form the 
planet Cablell, sent to Earth to recruit a team of beautiful, super-
intelligent girls for a female dominated utopia headed by Queen Hiternia, 
who was temporarily based atop the Tropicana hotel in Las Vegas.  For their 
trip through space, Briskman told the girls he would have to immunize them 
vaginally until their "IRF" counts reached 100, and following each sex 
session, he telephoned the "Andrak 4000" computer to report the latest 
infusion and to get a readout of how many more IRF's each girl needed.  
Briskman is presently in prison for demonstrating similar skills on a 

* Planning Ahead                                                         *

It's nice to see that young couples are now taking marriage seriously and 
properly planning ahead in the times.  Below, are actual items drawn from 
the prenuptual agreement between one Rex and Teresa LeGalley, as reported 
by the Los Angeles Times - Washington Post News Service.

Prenuptial Agreement Calls for Sex, Chevron Gasoline

 - On lovemaking: "We will engage in healthy sex three to five times per 
 - On sleeping habits: "Lights out by 11:30 p.m. Wake up at 6:30 a.m." 
 - On gender roles: ``Family leadership role and decision making is Rex's 
   responsibility. Rex will handle all finances." 
 - On household duties: ``Teresa will take care of inside house chores. 
   Rex will maintain the outside of the house." 
 - On shopping: ``Teresa will work off a list every time she goes to the 
   grocery store." 
 - On neatness: ``Nothing will be left on the floor overnight, unless 
   packing for a trip." 
 - On pregnancy: ``Teresa will stay on birth control for two years and 
   then try to get pregnant." 
 - On spending: "We will pay off all credit card debts first, before any
   major purchases. We will pay cash for everything unless agreed to 
 - On communication: ``We won't raise voices or get snappy. We will count
   to 10 first." 
 - On driving: ``One car length following distance per 10 mph driving 
   speed. We will buy supreme unleaded fuel   Chevron   and not let the 
   fuel gauge get lower than a half tank."

The document ends with these words: "WE WILL ENJOY A GREAT LIFE TOGETHER! 
We don't care what others think about us, we will do what's best for us."

* THOSE WHO MAY CARE                 |\__ --- ___/|     MOO THINKS:      *
*                                    \--  0  0\--/                       *
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*        // --//''''''''''''''''''''     _  oo  |  Please don't eat me!  *
*     __//   //                         / \_/\_/                         *
*   //~~~    |                          |   ''                           *
*   {}       | _  _     __________     /                                 *
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*            [] []                [] []                         - Alex P *

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