Archive THOSE WHO MAY CARE
Ocotober 10, 1995: Me Late? Never!

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* Ever late for school?  Did your Dad, Homer, write you a note?           *
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Being late starts young.  These are actual excuses submitted by the 
parents of students in Albuquerque, New Mexico school system.

"Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday.  She was in bed with 
gramps."

"Please excuse Johnnie for being.  It was his father's fault."

My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizical ed.  Please 
execute him."

Credit: 1) New York Times


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* OK, maybe I am a little guilty of helping to prolong this guy's 15      *
* minutes of fame...                                                      *
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Bobbitt, 28, and his army of advisers reportedly earned over $1 million 
from the carnival side show.   Additionally, Bobbitt starred in Uncut, a 
porno movie that his Las Vegas-based handler, Aaron Gordon, says has 
grossed $10 million in worldwide revenue. 

Bobbitt "has made a lot more money in the past two years than he would 
have made in his entire life" had his wife not dismembered him, says 
Gordon, 30. "A lot of people point a finger and say we've exploited this 
kid, but John loves the adult movie business. His whole story revolves 
around sex. This is his way of exploiting it." 

To prepare for his video sequel, Frankenpenis, Bobbitt says he's planning 
a $10,000 penile extension: "If I can have my penis cut off and have it 
put back on, I can have it extended," he says. 

Credit: USA Today


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* Now, run that by me once again?                                         *
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In August, the City Union Mission in Kansas City, Mo. announced it 
intended to evict low-income tenants Violet Williams, 86, a resident for 
27 years, and Bob Dodson, 71, from the apartment building it owns because 
it needs the building in order to construct a homeless shelter -- a need 
which it says was created by a shortage of low-income housing in the area.

Credit: Chuck Shepperd


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* THOSE WHO MAY CARE               |\__ --- ___/|       MOO THINKS:      *
*                                  \--  0  0\--/                         *
*         ____  ===================/         \    "You have to stay in   *
*        // --//'''''''''''''''''''     _  oo |   shape. My grandmother, *
*     __//   //                       / \_/\_/    she started walking    *
*   //~~~    |                        |   ''      five miles a day when  *
*  {}        | _  _     ________     /            she was 60.  She's 97  *
*            || || \   /        || ||             today and we don't     *
*            || ||  |||         || ||             know where the hell    *
*            || ||  '''         || ||             she is.                *
*            [] []              [] []                --Ellen DeGeneris   *
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