Man? Bullfighting? Bull-oney!
a "sport" for men with no balls

Back Home Back Issues Bullfighting, a fearless matador against a strong healthy bull? No. I don't think so. We wouldn't want to see our "brave" hero (the matador) take a real chance on getting gored now, would we? We'd much rather see him strut around a rose in his mouth, blowing kisses at the ladies. Why not do something to give this very ordinary, yet dramatic person (the matador) a better chance? Here's a typical (and highly accurate) rendition of what a bullfight consists of:

  • The bull's horns are filed down. Occasionlly, the bull is beaten with sandbags in order to weaken it.


  • Prior to the "fight," petroleum jelly may be smeared into the animal's eyes to blur his vision and make him misjudge distance if he attempts to gore the matador.


  • Act One: the bull is released from a purposely dark tunnel into the light of a noise-filled arena to enhance his fear. Two or more toreadores wave capes at him to encourage charges and give the matador a chance to assess the bull's fighting style.


  • Next, the picador enters, mounted on a horse, and stabs the bull's back repeatedly with a sharp lance, opening painful, bloody wounds and weakening the muscles that raise the bull's head.


  • Act Two: the banderilleros enter the ring, wielding banderillas (similar to harpoons). While one distracts the bull, the other will run up and plant the banderillas near the wounds created by the picador. This further impairs the bull's ability to move his head and the banderillas usually remain embedded for the rest of the contest.


  • Act Three: now that the bull has been thoroughly weakened, enter the brave matador. He is supposed to kill the bull with one clean thrust of a long narrow sword between the bull's shoulders and straight into his heart. This one blow is rarely delivered, it usually takes several thrusts (most of which pierce the bull's lungs) and the animal asphyxiates in it's own blood.

Do not support bullfighting! If the slaughter of helpless animals is something you desire to see, just go to your local slaughterhouse, it's much cheaper and the animals have about the same chance of survival. And, though, yes, sometimes, these poor terrified beaten-down creatures do muster up the the last-minute survival instinct adrenaline pump to do something unexpected, it is such a rarity, it can hardly qualify the even as sporting.

Back More Info? Check Out This Site, it has lots of further evidence, including photos and video.

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